Tsibog Tuesdays: Hot Sauce

There are a lot of ways to prove one's manliness. Bench pressing thrice your weight, wrestling wild animals, jumping away form explosions and the like. Then there are the actual do-able ones like manning up to that insane sauce wreaking havoc in your mouth. Yum!

If anything in this world has been THE standard for manly condiments, it has been the bottled awesomeness of hot sauce. Second is gravy. Nothing shows everyone that you're a man like taking what is basically liquid pain with your food. Hot sauce is also the only condiment to turn eating in to a competition of pride among men.

Its good to stay humble and stick with the regular Tabasco but are we not men? Don't we push things insanely beyond their limits to the point of sheer stupidity?

Enter Dave's insanity

paPOW! The run of the mill Tabasco that we all know and love sits at around 1,500-2,500 Scoville units, a measurement for spiciness. Yes. Theres science. Science everywhere. Dave's insanity packs 180,000 Scoville units. Now this is not THE hottest hot sauce out there but come on. There's a warning on the bottle saying how this hot sauce may cause miscarriages for pregnant women. This hot sauce is so hot it can KILL BABIES!!

I know this is getting insane but bear with me. It gets HOTTER and DUMBER and well frankly MORE AWESOMER!!

Can you guess how many Scoville units this little bastard packs?

300,000?

No way.

1,000,000,000?

Dude, not even.

Try 16,000,000,000. Its so intense that it only comes in the form of a few crystals. Crystallized death if you ask me. If you're unlucky enough to be at the receiving end of this bad boy you would need AT LEAST 250,000 gallons of water to wash it down. So yeah, you would sooner drown than kill the fire in your mouth. Its like Satan's piss.

For a more modest and sensible choice, meaning flavor over heat, may I suggest Sriracha hot sauce you can buy in most Vietnamese stores or restaurants. The stuff goes with anything except for maybe open wounds or other bodily orifices.

ALSO! Taco Pizza out of nowhere!